Before my son, Yitz, was born, I thought families that home-schooled their children were weird. Children are supposed to get up in the morning and go to school with their peers; that’s normal. Home schooling was not.

Yitz began receiving early intervention services when he was 8 months old. By the time he was 14 months old, he had educational, speech, occupational, and physical therapies-- each two or three times a week. I remember thinking, “This is like home-schooling, but for a baby.” I still never thought that this would continue when he was school-aged, because that was just weird.

When Yitz was 2-and-a-half, he began attending a half-day, center-based ABA class. The other half, he was still receiving at-home therapy. When he turned 3, he began attending school for a full day and received additional hours of ABA therapy at home.

Some Breathing Room

Yitz was making tremendous progress, and I remember feeling a sense of relief every day when he got on the bus and went off to school. For the next six hours, I would not have to follow him around the house, ensuring that he didn’t get into any mischief. I would be able to run the errands I needed to run without worrying about a meltdown in the store. I would be able to eat breakfast and lunch at a normal pace, not rushing because he just ran away from the table. In short, for six hours, I would be a person.

This is not to say that I was sitting on a lounge chair in the sun, sipping a refreshing beverage (not that there would be anything wrong with that). I was running errands; calling therapists, consultants, and doctors; researching new interventions; seeking out and interviewing new therapists for Yitz’s home team; speaking with other parents; and brainstorming constantly to figure out ways for Yitz to reach his potential.

When Yitz would return from school, our home schooling would start. Therapists would come in for 2-hour sessions and we would try to help Yitz generalize the skills he learned at school and push him to reach his goals.

When Yitz turned 5, he had to transition from the preschool setting to an elementary school. We were so happy and lucky to have had Yitz in a Jewish preschool, but unfortunately, there are no Jewish schools in Rockland County or the surrounding area that have a program for school-aged children with autism spectrum disorders. When Yitz turned 5, he transitioned to a public school in our area.

Although we were heartbroken that he was in public school, we were hopeful that his progress would continue and that he would be successful in this program. We knew other parents whose children had succeeded in this program; it had a good reputation, and the consultant who worked with Yitz in preschool would be his consultant in this school as well.

Yitz began the school year in September with a new, inexperienced teacher. The teacher did not follow the advice of the consultant, and she was not honest with us about how our son was faring in class. Yitz needs extreme consistency, and he was not getting it in this classroom. We had numerous meetings and discussions with the school district while Yitz was regressing day by day. Each day, I would consider the idea of pulling him out of school and home-schooling him, but the idea scared me.

I was afraid of how I would manage with him home all day, having a revolving door of people in and out of my house, no privacy, and of course, the financial cost. I knew I would have to hire an attorney to sue for reimbursement, and I was totally overwhelmed at the thought. I am very lucky to have family that is extremely supportive. They encouraged me to do whatever I felt was best for Yitz.

Back to School, at Home

I tried and tried to work things out in school, but in December, it became apparent that I would have to pull Yitz out of school, look for more staff members, and start home-schooling Yitz. I was now doing the “weird” thing I thought that I would never do.

Yitz was home-schooled from December through August. I already had curriculum consultants in place for his after-school home program, so we spoke to them about broadening the programming to a home-school program. We then had to find and train more therapists. It was difficult to find qualified people in the middle of the school year, and once we did, we had to provide extensive training. Once everyone was on-board and trained, Yitz had about 6-8 hours of therapy a day, often taking breaks between therapists. In addition, we took him back to the school twice a week for occupational therapy, because he had a particularly talented therapist there.

The staff became part of the family. There was no privacy and nowhere to get away to escape the world of autism.

In addition to being Yitz’s mommy, I work part-time. I only go into the office a few times a week, but I do have full-time help in the house. This was my saving grace. If a therapist canceled with little or no notice, which they did at times, I did not have to stay home from a given appointment or work, as I had the babysitter in the house to stay with Yitz.

I also became one of Yitz’s therapists. I was extremely involved in his programming and was working very hard to make my daughter feel included as much as possible. When a therapist or therapists would cancel, I would try to fill in. On days when I couldn’t, I walked around plagued with guilt that Yitz was not getting enough therapy. I had to learn where and how to draw the line between being a teacher and a mother, and I had to push aside my emotions and frustration and teach him to the best of my ability.

Taking the Good with the Bad

Home schooling comes with a lot of pros and cons. To start, we live in an average-size home, and Yitz’s therapy takes place in his bedroom, which is next-door to my bedroom.

Yitz often runs into our room for a reprieve from schoolwork, so we had therapists in every inch of our home with no privacy at all. Therapists could overhear every phone conversation, and they were privy to more information than any of us would ever want. Therapists would often cancel or come late with little or no notice. At times, there were weeks when several therapists would cancel sessions, leaving Yitz with little productive learning time.

When Yitz was being schooled at home, there was no downtime or “space” for the family. It was difficult for my daughter that Yitz was always home and demanding attention. And of course, the financial burden was also tremendously difficult.

Now, some of these cons continue to exist even though he is back in school, because he has still has several hours of therapy after school each day.

On the plus side, however, when I first pulled Yitz out of school, I felt a strong sense of relief that I knew he would be in a safe, loving environment, and that the day-to-day frustration of arguing with the teacher and the school district were over. Home schooling allowed me to teach Yitz and become very involved in his programming. Yitz is non-conversational, so the program gave me an opportunity to be with him always and never try to guess or wonder how he was doing. I would eat lunch with him and take him out to the park for “recess.” I truly spent a lot of quality time with him.

During the home-school months, we did not have those morning rushes for the bus. Yitz is not a sleeper, and he’d sometimes be falling back asleep shortly before he had to be woken for the bus. When he was home-schooled, our mornings were relaxed. His programming was tailor-made to meet his social, emotional, and academic goals.

When it was time for Yitz to return to school this past September, I did not want to send him. His educational consultants, who previously agreed that home schooling was the right approach for Yitz, now felt it was time for him to return to school. They felt he had made tremendous gains at home, and now he needed to learn the structure of going to school and following a routine. I was not happy about sending him back to school and losing our quality time. Even though there were definite drawbacks to having him at home, the pros were so fulfilling.

The school assigned a new teacher to Yitz’s class, and his transition from home to school went smoothly, Baruch Hashem. He’s made tremendous progress this year, and we’re looking forward to another year of success and growth after the summer.

I still miss the close connection and being fully apprised of every academic development in his life, but I trust the experts and I trust that Hashem is leading us in the right direction in helping Yitz develop to his fullest potential.

Are you the parent of a home schooled child? Are you a caretaker, therapist, or teacher that works with a child that gets home schooling? Share your experience, advice, and tried and true tips you’ve learned with our readers. Email to editor@spiritmag.org or fax to 845-425-7853.

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