A Message to our Readers

There is an emotional pain and sorrow inherent in raising a child with a developmental disability. It comes and goes through all stages of the child’s growth. Most of us tend to keep that pain and sorrow bottled up tightly inside and not let it show. We try to conceal it from our spouses and families. We nurture it privately, only letting it see the light of day when we think we are alone.

So much wasted energy goes into keeping this cloud of grief to oneself. The problem is that we become so busy trying to contain it that we don’t realize how it leaks out anyway, in many other areas of our lives, apparent to our spouses, children, extended mishpocha, friends, and co-workers. We don’t recognize that while we think we have it under our complete control, we can be losing command elsewhere; in maintaining a warm, happy atmosphere in the home, in the orderly organization of household chores, in our workplace, in the bais hamedrash, in our relationships with those we love, etc.

Support groups for parents are a fundamental piece of the puzzle necessary to create proper balances for both parent and household. Opening up to and gaining support from people who face the same kind of challenges as you do affords one the opportunity to share difficulties and exchange experiences that would be uncomfortable topics in other venues. A support group provides a safe and understanding outlet to share the emotional burden we carry without changing the dynamics of our home. Also, the pointing out of signposts along the path by people who have been there makes things so much easier than going it alone.

When you are talking with someone who has not yet come to accept the sudden changed direction their life has taken, and you suggest that it might be beneficial to join a support group, their complaint is usually along the line of, “Why can’t I maintain my old friendships? Wouldn’t my friends who know me best be there for me? Why should I have to create a new social environment that will isolate me from my ‘real’ friends”? Even when accepting of their new status, many people’s first tendency is to react negatively. “That kind of thing is for nebach cases, not me,” or “There is nothing that I can really gain from it, so why waste the time?” This negative reaction is even more pronounced when the topic is discussed with husbands and fathers.

But the reality is that the best thing for each parent is to join a support group and attend regularly. Your energy and efforts become more focused on your life, instead of on keeping your emotions under wraps. You learn to accept the burden while sharing the pain and sorrow with others. Ask any father or mother who has been able to find a support group that meets their needs. It is invaluable and one of the best gifts you can give yourself and your family.

Rabbi Simon Lauber
Founder & CEO

Founder & CEO
Rabbi Simon Lauber
slauber@spiritmag.org

Editor-in-Chief
Gershon Sabol
gershon@spiritmag.org

Rabbinical Advisory Board
Rabbi Chaim L. Rottenberg, shlita
Rabbi Avrohom Chaim Feuer, shlita

Editor
Dini Sternhill
dinis@spiritmag.org

Copy Editor
Yaakov Steinhart

Magazine Layout & Design
Mark Weisz Design
www.markweisz.com

Web Layout & Design
Baruch Lebovits

Editorial Advisory Board
Chaya Yitty Rottenberg
Elisheva Stein
Michelle Steinhart

Contributors
Rabbi Shmuel Abramson, Ed. D.
Baila Anon
Libby Astaire
Elisheva Atlow
Ayelet
Malky Feig
Tziri Frank
Idy Freund
Marcy Glicksman
Shira Greenland
Chavah Jacobs
Sara Leiner
Shani Plotzker
Tziri Frank
S. S.